Reflection

Hi everyone :)
I figured I would give everyone an update! I would like to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers yesterday!! I was so nervous to see the doctor!! I have been feeling as though something has been wrong with my back lately. This past week my poor spine has been spasming like no other!! Also, I have been getting this popcorn popping feeling with every movement I make. That hasn't happened to me since I first had my surgery. SOOO I have been driving myself crazy with worry!!! Luckily, there was a cancellation at Sonoran Spine, and I was able to take the time off work( Thank You Gregg!)!! I was able to take a nice little cruise on down to the valley in my pretty new car!! :-) It was crazy windy and I was shaking with nerves the whole way down! Anyways...back to this doctor business. I had to wait a long time to talk to Claire, but it was definitely worth it. I now have some peace of mind!! Basically, my spine is still pretty weak, and I need to return to physical therapy (I NEED INSURANCE) to work on getting it back to where it should be. My hardware and everything else is looking good though. So that is good news!! I couldn't help but cry once she told me I hadn't done anything wrong. I have been so worried, and it was just a relief to hear her say. So, hopefully I will be perfectly normal by the time I hit my 1 year post op appointment. I just need insurance desperately!!! Yesterday!! haha! :) Also!! I have no more restrictions!!! That doesn't mean I can go lift whatever the heck I want, I still have to be really careful and mindful of everything I do, but it's nice to know I can lift more than 15 pounds lol! 
On my way home, I had a lot of time to reflect on this past year. I often forget how fragile I still am, how much I've overcome this year, and I am pretty darn proud of myself for getting through this journey with a mostly positive outlook. I have had some pretty frustrating moments, but over all I think I will be way better off than I would have if I didn't get the surgery at all. I am so excited to know what it's like to live with minimal to no pain at all! Something I honestly haven't experienced for years. So hopefully after physical therapy and a little more recovery time, I will know what pain free is! Keep your fingers crossed!! :-) I can't help feel a bit emotional as I think about everyone who has faithfully been by my side supporting me every step of this journey! I have some amazing friends and family! I will always be grateful to you all for your thoughts and prayers throughout all of this! I am truly blessed!!! 

 Hopefully one of the last X-rays I'll have to have for a while! No more gowns please!! Lol! 

Before and after :-) 

A New Day

The above video is me standing for the first time after my surgery! I cannot believe I have made it to march! I feel like January 11th was such a long time ago!! I wish the time would move a little quicker!! I am so ready to be done with this recovery! I am having a good week! No major set backs...yet! I often have to remind myself of what I have been through and remember that I must give my body the time it needs to recover. I can't help the frustration when I feel as though I take one step forward and then very quickly sometimes take two steps right back! I very much hope that I can continue to move forward and that the easier end of this recovery is here. I am still in constant pain... but I think I can manage for the most part and try to go without my medication as much as I can. Even though I end up caving to the pain after a while. I just hate the way these darn prescriptions make me feel. At this point it's kind of a lose lose situation.... I take the drugs and it makes me sick but helps with the pain or I just deal with the pain as best I can till I can't, and take my prescriptions anyways! Lol! So annoying! I would rather be in pain!! Plus when I don't take my prescriptions... I can DRIVE!! I know... I know... I was scared at first also!!! You don't really need very much mobility to drive so its not that scary at all. Plus I have super sweet front row parking everywhere I go thanks to my handicap parking pass thing! I will be taking full advantage of it!! :-D I've only ventured off on my own a couple times... but its a start!! I cannot explain how annoying it is to always be stuck at home mostly doing nothing!! Going anywhere is always kind of a big production for me. Even when I am going with other people! Now that I think of it... everything is now difficult to do.. for now anyways. I had to modify everything I do from washing my face and brushing my chompers... down to getting dressed as well. I rarely make it up the stairs at my house because it is so much work!! I am getting better at it though.  I still am struggling to walk 2 miles everyday. Hopefully that will soon be an easier task! I know that walking and being active will help me  and so I just gotta do it!! No pain.. No gain!!
I hope all who reads this is in good health and happy spirits!! Thank you so much for checking in on me!! I keep making it to a new day... I feel so blessed to have so many of you in my lives cheering me on and showing such great support! I think this recovery would be much more difficult without it!!
Love,
Candice :)

Yesterday I was lucky enough to catch a ride with friends from work to attend the In-n-Out Softball tournament!! I even made special decorations for my walker! lol :) I wish I would have taken more pictures!! I am so glad I got to see everyone!! Such a fun day!! So much fun that I passed out at 9 last night and didn't wake up till 8:30 this morning! Thats a ton of sleep for me!! :-)

Hah! My cheeks are stuffed with sammich in this picture... I feel like I look like a chipmunk... actually I think my cheeks might just be fat!! Lol! 

I made these to go on my walker the other night! Had to cheer for 184 AND 155!! :) 

6 week check up

Hey Everyone!
I know I said I was going to be better about updating, but have been having a hard time lately. I wouldn't want anyone thinking I was ready to off myself!! This past week has been much better, but is still filled with challenges unfortunately. I went for my 6 week check up down in Mesa on Friday. I can't believe it has only been 6 weeks! It sure feels like it has been a whole lot longer!! This upcoming week will be my first week without a daily babysitter! Soooo if anyone wants to come bring me goodies or some lunch and junk... I would really enjoy that!! ;-) Anyways, I was put on some new meds again since I have still been having such a difficult time with the old prescriptions. They seem to be working well, but as of last week I have been working on tapering off drugs all together. I just really hate the way they make me feel. If I can just deal with the pain I figure it is much better than all the other effects that have come along with taking them. Unfortunately I am not quite to the point where I can really go too long without taking them. Plus it is so hard to think when I do, my brain is all scrambled! hah! I just took another dose a little bit ago so I hope I will be able to finish this before I end up snoozing on my moms keyboard. :) Anyways back to the doctor... I ended up seeing the same PA that I unleashed all my anger on during my last appointment. She seemed to want to get my appointment done and over with quickly! I was in an awful mood so I didn't mind. Maybe I should have been nicer, but she rubbed me the wrong way from when I first saw her before my surgery. So I don't really feel bad. I still am unable to lift more than 5-10 pounds. When she told me that I just wanted to cry. I feel like I have hardly made any progress at all. I will not be able to be cleared to lift more or do anything else until April 5th. It just seems so far away, and I have two very adorable nephews that I can't pick up to hold. Makes me very sad!! I do get to spend quite a lot of time with them though. We all lay together... take naps together...  they sit on my lap... I sing to them... and thats about all I can do when we hang out. So sad, but I shouldn't complain since thats better than not being able to see them at all. The PA did say that as soon as I am not taking any drugs I can go back to driving. I am a little too afraid to try. I need to be a little more stable on my feet. My poor legs shake when I have to walk up and down the stairs. It is so embarrassing!! My poor muscles are disappearing! She wants me to start walking 2 miles EVERY day now! I told her that I have been having a hard time with just a half a mile each day! I am not sure how I am going to get up to 2 miles everyday!! We walked and walked and walked after my appointment at the chandler mall. I got a new phone also!! My mom and dads treat!! I am one lucky daughter!! Once we finally made it home from Chandler/Mesa, I literally felt like dying!! I was so sore! It was good though because I am pretty sure that was the longest I slept through the night since my surgery! Raquel took me walking at our little Prescott mall yesterday too! Its definitely hard walking for long amounts of time! I had a busy day today as well! I am ready to hopefully pass out and snooze the whole entire night!! And thats pretty much it for now! Oh since I haven't been so great at updating I must say that Gabriel and Danny made me some very cute valentines for valentines day! Along with them I had many friends think of me that day who sent me lots of love!! I have been playing chocolate roulette as a bed time treat almost every night with one of my favorite friends!! I think I have liked only one chocolate in that chocolate box so far haha :) Oh and if any of you are looking for a good show to watch... Revenge is a good one! Its on ABC, but I watched it on netflix and hulu+ Check it out if you're bored!! Anyways... I have reached that point where my eyes want to shut. Time to tackle those darn stairs and crawl into bed!! Thank you everyone for your continued support, thoughts, and prayers! I really feel so blessed to have you all by my side!! I noticed people have been writing on my wall and don't know how I have missed them! My stupid facebook app!! I promise I haven't been ignoring any of you!! I will definitely get back to you when I can!! I hope you all have a wonderful night!!
All my love,
Candice

These are my Super cute valentines from my sweet nephews :) 

My adorable nephews! I just love hanging out with them! They brighten my mood even when I am feeling really sad. I just love all my nephews so very much!! :) 

I was also so very lucky to have been feeling well enough to attend my friends wedding a couple weeks ago! It was my first big outing since my surgery... I was so grateful to have seen so many great friends that day!! I had so much fun! Even though I had to spend most of my time sitting!! Any day I get to get away from my bed is a good day!!

Nick and I had some fun while waiting in the apple store for my new phone :) 

It was nice to get out and have some fun!! 

One of the apple employees photo bombed us! Lol :) 

Love you all and I will make sure to write again soon! I do hope this blog makes sense!! These darn drugs!! 

4 weeks down 16 to go!!

Hey everyone!! I am so sorry it has taken me a while to update you all!! I have been getting lots of texts, messages, calls, and even letters asking how I am doing since I haven't been updating. Well.... since my last blog post I have been to the doctor here in town to make sure I no longer have any infections... she adjusted my meds to see if that would help with my stomach issues. Unfortunately thats still one of my main struggles. I can't even begin to tell you how tired I am of throwing up! Every time it happens I can't help but get super down. It really has taken its toll on my body and is making me miserable. I really wish that all these drugs were no longer necessary and that I could go without them but I still am not there unfortunately. Each time I take a new dosage of prescriptions I can't help but wonder why anyone would willingly want to abuse these drugs. They make me feel absolutely terrible. Maybe they make you feel different when you are not taking them for pain but I still can't imagine why anyone would really want to take them to get high. Something I will never know I guess. Anyways.. friday marked the 4th week after surgery! Its unbelievable! I thought I would be making a whole lot more progress by now. I still have 16 more weeks to go before I can bend and twist again. I thought 4 weeks took forever to get to... lets hope 16 will somehow fly by!! I no longer have to wear a bandage over my incision... I sometimes still wear it to make my back itch a little less when my clothes rub against it. I really want someone to come and scratch my back all over the place!! If only!! My actual incision apparently looks really good. I still think it looks yuck!! We clean it with a cotton ball soaked in alcohol and its still so strange to me that I can only feel the cool sensation in just a couple spots... the rest of my back is still numb. I wonder how long that will last for. I am still getting used to snoozing on my back... I hate all this constant discomfort! Makes it hard to sleep through the night! I have the craziest sleep schedule! All these drugs still make me randomly sleep throughout the day no matter how hard I try and fight the urge to sleep. I seem to be sleeping more than before so maybe that is a sign that I am finally starting to heal!!
I wrote most of this yesterday and today is officially one month since my surgery. I was struggling to stay awake to finish this yesterday but really was not in any kind of mood to do so. This past week I have been shown such gracious love from people I expected... People I would never expect and I can't tell you how helpful it is to be shown such care and concern when you need it the most. I have also surprisingly been more than disappointed by a few that I would never expect. On that note thank you everyone who has faithfully stuck by my side and demonstrated such love, care, and concern. I can't begin to tell you all how much it means to me. Today I am still struggling and really appreciate any continued prayers. I have lost way too much weight and am beginning to kind of worry with my lack of appetite and how much I have to actually force myself to eat. I miss food and wish I could actually enjoy a meal sometime soon! I also need to start walking more so any of you that would like to come take a walk with me just let me know! Speaking of... I think I better get up and try and move. I love you all and will be better at updating my blog from here on out.
love,
Candice

My prescription bags are adding up! I really look like a druggie. Hah

I was shocked to see this number! Makes me feel super loved to have everyone checking in on me so often!

My one walk I took outside this week. I mostly have to do laps around the downstairs to get my required walking in. I am not anywhere close to half a mile each day. Whoops.

And my darn blood pressure is still being a pain! Hopefully we get a handle on things soon! All the pictures I have for now. :-)

My new spine.

Hello everyone. I know I have been trying to keep these blog things as upbeat and nice but have been in some not so great spirits. Monday I had an incident where thanks to my low blood pressure had a dizzy spell and fell backwards into my door frame directly on my incision. I won't even try to explain the amounts of pain that caused. Lets just say I was uncontrollably sobbing... And shaking from the extreme pain. Anyways Sonoran spine seemed to not give a hoot about that and didn't bother calling back but I was so worried so for the 4th day in a row spent over 30 minutes just trying to get through to their answering services only for the on call physician to make me feel as if I was over reacting. I wasn't very nice to her. Anyways I didn't sleep much Monday night and felt very much like throwing up. I wrote that off to how upset I was all afternoon after everything that had happened. Which btw thank you Sam for being so great after all that happened. I could see in your eyes how badly you felt and love that you love me so much haha :-) but really you're such a great brother ! So Tuesday I still felt as though I was gonna puke but my Tata made a really good breakfast and I ate as much as I could... then for lunch ate a few bites of my supposed to be sammich from Monday night from wildflower... Then suddenly felt like I was really going to throw up. When I get up out of bed it takes me quite a while... It's annoying! Well thankfully I was able to quickly get up out of bed and throw up mostly into my sammich box. Thankfully wildflower wastes a lot of plastic to make over sized to go sandwich boxes. My poor hair wasn't as lucky as everything else. But I think I did pretty good other than that. Oh and I stepped in my sandwich right after too. I feel like I can't catch a break and have spent most of this week crying. I just can't help it though. So I called sonoran spine again and was told they didn't know about the fall. And I needed to make the two hour drive to get things checked out from everything. So I spent over four hours in the car today hoping I wasn't going to throw up anymore. My second mother took me and I am so thankful! She has a comfy car so it wasn't so bad. Jeni I will always be so grateful you came with me today! I decided to put my sheriff wooden pieces on my walker cause I needed to be as assertive as possible with the doctor when I got there due to my extreme unhappiness with Sonoran spine since Friday. And If I had to wait two hours to be seen like all my other appointments I would have lost it!! Thankfully the wait wasn't too bad and everything checked out okay. I am on new meds and feel as though I may pass out so now I nee to end this but I did yell at the PA and expressed everything I had to. Got my meds fixed. And anti nausea meds so I will hopefully not throw up anymore. Cause it hurts enough when you're in a normal state. Two weeks after surgery is unexplainable! But everything thankfully checked out fine and I am on my way to a smoother recovery from here. Thank you all again for your continued support and prayers. It means so much to me. Oh and the correction is 70% better than what it was. I still have a curve but is a lot better. I have lots of pictures to post hopefully will stay awake long enough to put them all on. Love you all

Last night Ashley came over to do my hair for today. I got a really nice shower. I thought my hardware would be longer and Ashley gave me a b12 shot to make me feel better. Sorry you all have to see my undies lol! And hope you don't mind my X-ray photos. Oh and here is one more of me in agony lol cause I was laughing and it hurts to laugh! My mom and Ashley were being bullies! And I put make up on today cause I just really needed some better self esteem. Haha. Oh and everyone loved my walker today. An elderly couple actually asked to take my picture. Lol! I guess maybe I should go into the bedazzling walker business. Dr. Crandall even wanted to take a picture. Lol! Okay I am really done now. Sleep time!! Good night everyone.

YRMC

Well today was eventful.. as most of you know I was shipped off to the hospital again in the ambulance. Probably the most fun ride to the hospital as one can have. Very painful at the same time. I felt every single bump in the road(That darn ambulance suspension). I can't tell you the amounts of pain that would shoot through my spine as we did. And as we were on the worlds bumpiest road the EMT was trying to administer my IV... thanks to the 6 I had in the hospital two weeks ago, my veins weren't exactly cooperative. It was all in vein...... haha see what I did there? lol! Anyways it took 3 tries until they got a successful line in. Then they had to take my blood on the same very bumpy road. They said that wasn't cooperating either... I told them I had none left after I left the hospital 2 weeks ago. They laughed at me and said they could tell. Anyways... I didn't have to take the ambulance but my Dad had called my Uncle Bruce for advice which he had said it would be best to call 911 and let the ambulance take my vitals and then take me to the hospital from there so that I wouldn't have to wait in the ER infected waiting room for hours in extreme amounts of pain. Oh I guess I should explain why I was in pain in the first place (besides the fact that my whole spine was basically fused two weeks ago) Friday morning I had a blackout issue while Raquel was changing my dressing so we started to monitor my blood pressure. It was pretty low but not OMG low... My pain levels were still pretty high and so I talked to my good friend Bunni who has gone through all of this before. She told me to call Sonoran Spine and talk to the on call Dr. to see if there was anything I could do to help with my pain since its continued to be persistently pretty bad.. I was prescribed a couple more meds which my dad picked up first thing saturday morning. I took my regular meds with one of the new ones and just felt like junk the rest of the day Sooo we called Sonoran Spine again and talked to the on call dr. and he ordered me to stop taking all my meds due to my blood pressure... I think at that point it was 84 over 65 so all he said I could have was tylenol. Tylenol!! Well no surprise... rough night with tons and tons of pain! We kept monitoring my blood pressure all through the night and the highest it got to was 91 over 70.. so I called again this morning to see if there was any way I could resume taking my pain killers cause the pain was literally killer!! Again this morning it was at 84 over 65 and the doctor said I had to go to the emergency room. At that point I lost all emotional composure and just sobbed into the phone and the dr. yelled at me because he couldn't understand or hear me and to just go to the ER. Bad bedside manner that dr. Ive been mad at him since yesterday. So since my parentals were at church I asked Jeni to come and take me to the ER and she came over right away. Jeni and Chuck are like my second parents. They were so loving and gentle with me today and jeni just let me cry as she hugged me which felt good. Then she tried to talk some sense into the dr. that yelled at me and he didn't give her the time of day and told us we just needed to go to the ER. So we set off to the ER even though none of us wanted to... when my dad called and told us about uncle bruce saying it would be better to call 911 and do the whole ambulance thing. Lucky thing we had barely just left and promptly turned around. We pulled up the driveway and already heard sirens... My uncle Bruce has a lot of pull when it comes to the fire department and ambulance services even though he is retired fire chief. :)  I am so thankful!!! Sooo my room was swarmed with firefighters and then the EMTs... my blood pressure wasn't that bad at this point... pretty normal actually but I still needed to go to the hospital so I could be evaluated so that I could take my medication again. And I already told you about the ambulance ride so onto the hospital stay... It was nice... I really really needed to pee once we got there and luckily there was a toilet right in the room and the morphine had already kicked in pretty good. There were two nurses in the room with me while I did my business and maybe this is too much information but I could not stop peeing! I felt like I was peeeing for the worlds longest time and so I just started to laugh cause I couldn't stop peeing and both nurses were waiting on me. I just laughed and laughed and they must have thought I was crazy for sitting there peeing laughing and saying sorry over and over again because really I peeeed for sooooooo long!!!! It reminded me of dumb and dumber and how Lloyd peed in the beer bottles forever long!! I still think it is so funny but they gave me the good drugs so that could be why haha!! I am not sure if any of this actually makes sense cause I am so drugged at the moment! Raquel told me she could really tell I was in pain this morning because she said I was like a pregnant woman in labor since I was so mean to her on the phone when I was upset about having to go to the hospital. I forget what I was trying to concentrate on at the moment but it was something important I am sure and had no patience to explain to raquel what was going on... So I am sorry my dear sister.. I really was in so much pain and did not mean to be so mean!! I think I snapped at baby Susan also.. I apologize to you also!! Anyways the hospital fixed me up real good. Gave me better drugs and I have a UTI... my first one ever... I think from the catheter at the hospital. Sorry if thats a lot of info for you all... So as much as I didn't want to go to the hospital today I guess its good I did. I have new antibiotics and really think my blood pressure is now finally under control... I am not allowed to take valium anymore though. Hopefully with the new medicine it won't even be necessary! But I think I have had all I can handle today and must put this book to an end... Just a lot happened today and dont want any of you to worry.. I am home and now back on track to recovery!! And I can shower without glad press and seal now... very excited!!! Thank you everyone for thinking of me today and all the prayers!! I love you all!!!
love,
Candice

P.s. Andy wanted me to let you know something.... but i already forgot.. he said he was trying to heal me with laughter but it hurts to laugh. But he did lift my spirits... or maybe its just the drugs! Oh well thank you andy!! hahaha!

and I am pretty sure I am gonna look like some kind of drug addict with all the needle marks in my arms... My veins have had enough!!!! 

Thank you so much cousin Angie!!! I loved my coffee! It was amazing! First thing I consumed today and it was like heaven!!!

12:30 am

Hey everyone. I am having quite the hard night... Actually it's been quite the day. Everyone keeps telling me I am going to have harder days than others, but doesn't
Make it any easier. I know there are plenty others out there that are having even tougher journeys than I am... So if I may please ask for your prayers for them as well. It's easy to over look all the great things you have in life and forget about all others that need a helping hand and most of all just constant prayer! I love you all and thank you for all your continued concern and prayers for little ol me! I appreciate them more than anything!! love to all!!
Xoxo
Candice